What Do You Expect?

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”     -Alexander Pope

As you begin to read this article, you might have an expectation of what it will be about.  Will it illuminate in any way?  Get straight to the information you need?  Will it annoy?  Will it be something you can share happily, or will it be something you can criticize?

As a yoga student, you have probably had an expectation of some kind walking into the studio.  That there would be less people, or more. That you would be facing this wall, or that one.  Perhaps you had an expectation of who was teaching.  Your regular teacher did not show up, and now you find yourself panicking.  Maybe this instructor won’t be as good, you think.  Maybe they will be too easy, or too hard.  Too much talk about chakras and not enough arm balances.  Maybe you won’t learn anything new and this will be an hour and a half you’ll never get back.  You grumble internally, “Crap, maybe I should have gone on the treadmill.”   And then it’s sealed.  Your day has just set the course to officially suck.

Expectation, just like wanting, is a prime source of suffering.  It sets you up for disappointment.   Yoga teaches us to let go of pesky expectation.  Yoga teaches us to release attachment to any particular outcome.  When you let go of your desire for the present moment to be a certain way, then you’re free to experience it as it is.   You can let go of your anger, your sorrow, your anxiety and allow yourself to open up to new possibility.

Next time, just before you enter the studio —or into a work or social situation— make the intention to free yourself of expectation.  Allow yourself to ride the wave of each moment as it comes. 

Then when you practice, don’t let the attainment of asanas be your guiding force, i.e. to think “Today I will master the headstand.” And what if you don’t “master” it?  Again, expectation. If your hips are tight, accept that your hips are tight and practice without any attachment to the goal of opening up that area. Allow yourself to naturally unfold in the field of your own body.  Be open and receptive to whatever comes your way.

If you’re not doing and being, then you’re thinking and judging and hoping and a whole mess of noise.  Just like that, you’re out of the present moment.  Allow the asana to unfold and merely feel yourself within it.  

The most exciting thing to understand about the journey of yoga —and maybe even life— is that all the joy, happiness and freedom that we are searching for out there in the mysterious, imagined future is actually right here and now. All we need to do is quiet our minds enough to feel it.  So stop expecting and simply start experiencing.

Finding Santosha With Dishsoap

When my husband and I first started living together, he hated doing dishes.  I mean, hated.  So much so, he flat out refused to do them.  The post meal messes were always mine to clean and it became a bone of contention as we both worked outside the home, equally.  I felt we needed to share in the domestic work load.  Now, several years later, he actually tells me to get out of the kitchen so he can do the dishes. I find him there now humming along with a kirtan, a peaceful smile on his face as dish soap suds on a sponge and a pan.  I know, it’s a part of every woman’s fantasy.  How did this miracle occur, you wonder? 

It’s a word and a concept:  Santosha.  It means contentment, but like all Sanskrit terms it goes a little deeper.  At its basic core, it’s about finding contentment in all things, not just about where you are in life, but in everything you do.  Okay, easy to find contentment in reading a compelling novel curled by the fire, petting the soft fur of your sleeping dog, eating a warm apple pie with a cinnamon crusted top with no money or relationship worries.  But I’m talking about finding contentment in being unemployed, being single, or in the things you don’t exactly like doing.  Like washing the dishes.

While the concept is pretty straightforward, applying santosha isn’t necessarily easy.  Imagine finding contentment in cleaning up the cat litter - when your pet has diarrhea.  Or getting a ticket for speeding when you weren’t.  Those things probably don’t happen every day - at least I hope not-  so how can we practice santosha so that we’re ready to handle the discomfort or the injustice with the ease of contentedness?  You can do it like my husband does, find something that annoys you to no end and do it repeatedly until you can actually find contentment in it.  Or if you want to bring it on the mat, think of trying Bakasana (Crow) and becoming frustrated that you cannot lift both feet off the floor.   Or losing your grace in Natarajasana (Dancer).

In your asanas, practiced observance -free of judgement- is one way to begin (that is, no internal dialogue that says “this hurts, can’t wait for it to be over,” “I’m terrible,” etc.) Relax into where you are with the pose at this time and realize that -right now- it is as it should be, and that -that- is perfect.  

It is important to note the difference between finding contentment through mindfulness versus blocking out sensation by using mindfulness as a device.  For example, you could clean up the sick cat’s litter by simply going through the motions without feeling anything. Santosha?  Not exactly.  You need to have both the awareness and the contentment while you clean it.  That’s santosha.

So he washes dishes to practice santosha.  Lucky me.